Why You Fight More When You’re Tired
Many couples find that they fight more when one of them is sleep-deprived, and even more than that when both of them are lacking rest. When couples can trace their fights back to being tired, it’s often easier to overcome the difficulty because they realize that they weren’t fully themselves when they were trying to have that particular conversation.
Other couples don’t make this connection, or find it harder because some of their fights correlate with a lack of sleep while others don’t. If you think about it, though, and read the scientific studies available, it makes sense that people would fight more when they’re tired.
Tired People Struggle With Empathy
People who are tired test lower on all forms of empathy than those who have gotten a good night’s rest. Empathy is the ability to experience the same emotion that another person is experiencing while you’re seeing their situation or listening to them repeat it. Tired people not only feel less when they see or hear stories where you might expect empathy, they also don’t have the physical reactions that rested people have when they experience those stories.
This can contribute massively to arguments. If one partner has a difficult day at work, they probably want to come home and talk about it. If they share and share and their partner doesn’t show any empathy, that creates an environment ripe for an argument. One partner may feel like the other doesn’t care, and the tired one may feel like they are doing the best they can to understand.
Tired People Don’t Pick Up on Emotions
Similarly, tired people don’t pick up very well on facial cues that indicate emotions. This means that they don’t notice if someone is looking happy or sad, or angry or hurt or anything else. Not only do they not notice but, when asked to specifically look at a face, they still don’t do very well at identifying the emotion that face is demonstrating.
Facial cues can be huge indicators of emotion in relationships. If one partner is sad, he may not want to talk about it but carrying that emotion can make him irritable. When his tired partner doesn’t notice his sad face, they may fail to ask about what is going on, which can be painful and cause an argument. Similarly, they may say or do something that causes an argument, simply because of the emotional strain their partner is under.
Picking up on facial cues is important when it comes to asking good questions and listening well. When people are tired, they don’t do that as well, and this can cause fights and arguments.
Don’t let exhaustion damage your relationship. Focus on getting enough sleep so you can understand your partner, explain your own emotions effectively, and have energy for sex in bed
at the end of the day. It may take a while to figure out how to sleep better, but it’s worth it when your relationship is thriving.
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Author's Bio:
Mary Lee is a researcher for the sleep science hub Tuck.com. She specializes in sleep's role in mental and physical health and wellness. Mary lives in Olympia, Washington and shares her full-sized bed with a very noisy cat.
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