Selecting the Right Wedding Officiant
by Priscilla A. Munson
Soon after you’ve set your date,
chosen the location, settled on
your colors and started searching
for your perfect dress, invitations,
etc., you’ll want to turn your attention
to the centerpiece of your wedding day...
The Ceremony and The Person Who Will Marry You.
Many couples rely on their own pastor, minister,
priest, rabbi or a justice of the peace, to do
the honors.
However, if you don't have one, or prefer a
non-denominational, inter-faith, spiritual, thematic,
semi-religious or non-religious ceremony -- written
to your specifications -- you'll need to hire a
Wedding Officiant to guide the process and legally
preside over your vows.
So where do you begin? With the end in mind!
Ideally, your ceremony (like every other aspect of
your wedding) is the outward expression of your
personalities, values, beliefs and traditions,
all blended into a ritual that is the ceremonial
container for the celebration of your love.
Start by asking each other about the ceremonies you
remember that really touched you. Reflect together
on what made them special and why you can still recall
them to this day. Discuss your religious, ethnic,
cultural and/or family wedding traditions. Brainstorm.
Take a big sheet of paper and write it all down.
Decide if there will be a theme or main message and about
how long your ceremony will be. List the key words / phrases
you always imagined you’d say to each other at your wedding,
or have spoken on your behalf. Gather up your favorite poems,
stories, quotes and songs. Consider asking a family member
or special friend to do a reading or perform music.
And before long, a style will emerge from all these elements
that will be the unique representation of who you two are --
in life and in love.
Next, ask each other about the qualities you want in your
wedding officiant, and add them to your list. Ultimately,
their personality, temperament and presentation style should
match the vision you have in mind, because they'll be
representing you through their words and presence, setting
the tone for your marriage, and the mood of your wedding.
Some wedding officiants will have a more serious or formal
demeanor. Others will be casual or even add their own special
brand of humor to the officiating process. Most recognize their
assignment as a sacred trust. It’s up to you to know what you
are looking for so you’ll recognize them when you find them...
on the internet, by referral from your wedding planner or other
vendor, from family or friends.
Remember this: Your wedding officiant works for you, not the
other way around!
So take your time. Interview prospective officiants either in
person or over the phone. Ask them to describe their ceremonies,
how they work with couples, and what their services entail.
Share your ideas and find out how willing they are to incorporate
them. Explore why they are an officiant, their professional writing
& public speaking experience, and views on love and marriage.
Look at photographs and testimonials. Ask yourselves, above all,
if you feel comfortable with this person. You should feel a strong
sense of rapport, confidence, trust, and that you just click.
Because, then, after all the meetings, phone calls and emails,
when the big day finally arrives and you’re standing there together,
you’ll feel like you’ve known each other for a long time, and that
they really care about you and your marriage.
In Selecting The Right Wedding Officiant, be sure to allocate a
reasonable amount of money in your budget ($350-550 for a custom
ceremony; additional for the rehearsal, travel time and license
coordination). The most talented ones will be booked several months
in advance, so be sure to start your search early!
And when you find that perfect person, lock them in right away, so you
can relax and enjoy a leisurely planning process in their capable hands.
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